I happened across some thoughts Evan saved on his computer. His words serve as a glimpse into the heart of our beloved son. He could not have known the ultimate heartbreak of these past few months, but he got it right. Our love for him and for each other (which is rooted in God’s infinite love) will never diminish.
“There are many times in my job when there is nothing to do but sit around and think. It was during one of those times, as I was pulling guard in a watch tower in Afghanistan that I began to think of my parents and how incredible they are.
It occurred to me that being a parent is a series of heartbreaks. Or maybe it’s just one heartbreak; the heartbreak of watching your children take their first faltering steps and falling on their face. This heartbreak is repeated countless times even after your children are well past their toddler years. I remember this thought seemed so profound and revelatory to me at the time.
Then I realized how many heart breaks I had put my parents through as they watched me become a man. How many times must they have talked between themselves about my recent failures and struggles and how sad it must have been for them to see me fall on my face after every faltering step.
There are a number of ways that one can react to heartbreak. Many people harden their hearts to protect themselves and the results are fewer broken hearts but also a less loving person.
To me the most wonderful thing about my parents is that I can continue to break their hearts and they will continue to care deeply about me no matter how many times I stumble. This is the true beauty of their marriage and the true strength of their parenting.
So Mama and Papa, I am sorry for every heart break I have put you through. But I am incredibly happy to know that I will continue to break your hearts and your love for me and each other will never diminish as a result.
I pray that I will always look to you two as an example of how to live joyfully through every heart break and embrace them all as a true sign of love. You are my heroes. I love you. ”– An undated entry found on Evan’s computer
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:7
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This hits me deeply today.