Sorrow Magnifies Beauty

Since last April I’ve known traditional Christmas carols could be a grief trigger. One from my playlist randomly played while I was driving. When that wave of grief hit I sat crying in a parking lot until I realized I could have simply forwarded to the next song, making it possible to stave off the…

Timeless Truth

While going through a box of old papers, I was surprised to come across the following words in my own handwriting: It is in journeying TOGETHER that we are able to glimpse the true meaning of Perfect Love. Because we fail each other so miserably we see even more our great need for the Creator…

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Recently I woke up thinking, “I feel like I’m watching a long movie and I missed a lot of what already happened and my brain is trying to figure out what I missed which puts me in danger of missing what’s happening in the moment.” When I shared these thoughts with my husband, he said,…

Fleeting Colors & Fleeting Life

I awakened sobbing in the middle of the night with no well-formed thoughts just deep sadness. When morning came I still felt out of sorts and teary. Some days (carrying this grief) are just like that. I can’t always figure it out. Thinking a brisk walk in the crisp fall air to Mass might help,…

Radical Trust

What does radical trust look like? It’s trust without reserve, trust with unwavering confidence. Not confidence that nothing bad will happen, but relying on God to be good and loving no matter how things turn out. This past week I shared with a small group a meditation on the first verse of Psalm 23. “The…

Evan’s Other Mother

Evan was born on December 11th, late at night on the vigil of Our Lady of Guadalupe. I was completely unaware Marian titles and apparitions at the time. I just wanted him to be born as soon as possible. I know how strange this seems to some of our non-Catholic friends and family, but we…

Houston Bound

Last year we made plans to build a retirement home in Cornville; to design and build it ourselves. We even hired a designer and had the plans for the house of our dreams ready to go. But with the clarity brought by Evan’s death, our plans changed. We will miss Arizona where we met and…

Evan’s Sourdough Starter

A few years ago Evan shared some sourdough starter with me. One of his friends had shared their’s with him. I don’t know how long he had kept it going, but It thrived in my fridge for about four years. When I began baking artisan sourdough loaves in earnest I shared some of Evan’s starter…

Eight Months and 15 Days

Eight months and 15 days. That’s how long it’s been. Will I ever stop counting time from the day he died? Episodes of sobbing are fewer now, though maddeningly unpredictable. Last Week I spoke at a meeting of moms at a parish in Chandler. I didn’t feel I could authentically speak without mentioning the recent…

Surprises

I delight in little surprises; vivid splashes of color in the desert, a dandelion breaking through a crack in asphalt, decorative lace on an apron, a giggle from a toddler after a tumble instead of the expected wail. I wonder if such unexpected glimpses of beauty are intrinsically linked to the Mystery of the Resurrection?…