Evan’s Big Sister

Cana is about three-and-a half-years-older than Evan and there is another brother in between. Their places in the family meant he played the “annoying little brother” role and she the “not amused” big sister when they were kids, but they grew into siblings who love each other fiercely and are always for each other. I…

A Blanket & a Butterfly

I recently flew all the way to Houston and stayed in my daughter, Xhiv’s apartment for a few days. One day we carefully pulled colorful stickers off one piece of paper attaching them to corresponding numbered spaces on another, creating mosaics. Hers was a cheetah, or was it a leopard? Mine was a butterfly. Later…

Not a Mama Bear

Evan used to be terrified of those small fork lifts that emptied trash cans into dumpsters at the city park. Thoroughly engaged in play with his friends, at the sight of a fork life he’d come crying and wait safely in my arms until the machine went far away. If I were a Mama bear,…

4th of July at the Phoenix Zoo

This morning Doug and I got up early and headed to the Zoo before it was too hot to enjoy it. I felt grateful for the transparent barrier that allowed us to get close to the majestic Sumra Tiger. We spent a good while watching the orangutans. A couple (married 54 years) serving as docents…

Surprised by Kindness

I left the house to walk to Mass this morning and on the way I realized I had forgotten my hearing aids. Doug was home when I left. I knew he was planning to meet me at the church, so I texted him and asked him to bring my “ears”. He had already left the…

Family & Laughter

Last night Doug treated me to an evening of fun in Prescott. We enjoyed a romantic meal and a glass of wine before finding seats in the amphitheater at Highlands Center for Natural History. Some expressed surprise that we drove over 100 miles North for a date night, but the reprieve from Phoenix heat was…

Deserving

“I truly have a blessed life. I truly don’t deserve it. . . There is no deserve. There just is.” – Evan Daniel Bogart Countless times I’ve listened to the above words in an audio clip while watching the accompanying video Evan’s friends made and shared after his funeral services. I’ve savored the sound of…

Truth and Beauty

Our daughter Xhiv’s courage and vulnerability in sharing her often misunderstood grief surrounding the death of her birth mother and the losses which accompany adoption continues to teach us to face sorrow and loss with fortitude and honesty. Evan was a fan of Xhiv’s art because he valued truth telling and her art is raw…

Yarn and Tangled Thoughts

I’m knitting a blanket for our ninth grandchild, who is due to make an appearance in Houston in December. When I don’t pay attention, my yarn catches on a chair or table leg or gets wrapped around some other object and I have to interrupt the rhythm of my knitting to free it. Similarly, the…

Flooded, Deluged, Inundated

When I began this blog I liked the word, “inundated” and having very little idea what it meant, I relished the notion of being submerged in, flooded with, and totally overwhelmed with Love. The suffering of Evan’s death is changing me. From the moment I first heard the news. Sorrow cut chasms into my inmost…