Deserving

"I truly have a blessed life.
 I truly don't deserve it. . .
There is no deserve. 
There just is." 
- Evan Daniel Bogart

Countless times I’ve listened to the above words in an audio clip while watching the accompanying video Evan’s friends made and shared after his funeral services.

I’ve savored the sound of Evan’s voice.

I’ve pondered the turn of his thoughts from the idea that he never did anything to deserve the good things in his life to the acceptance that he gets to enjoy life anyway.

I’m so thankful that he made that turn.

Our five adult kids together for the celebration of my Masters degree from Franciscan University of Steubenville

This family photo belongs with this post because I remember well this celebration and how my kids made it a priority to celebrate me for an achievement I felt (for various reasons I won’t go into) that I didn’t “deserve”.

My family told me how proud they were of me and I was beyond excited to have them all home, but I struggled to receive their congratulations. I wonder if they could tell?

How easily the awareness of my own failures and weaknesses robs me of the fullness of life available at any given moment. The sadness I experience because I’m disappointed in myself is hard to let go. It seems I deserve it.

And that’s where the Love of God comes in. My love falls short over and over again, but His never does. His love even goes so far as to redeem my failures. I’m surrounded by a love I could never deserve. It just is.

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