A snapshot of the view from my writing chair captures a jumble of thoughts and feelings. Light and shadow play around the whole space; reflecting off a glass topped table which Doug fashioned years ago.

There on the bookshelf sits Xhiv’s painting of Our Lady of Guadalupe cradling Evan’s body. His rafting and army helmets rest on either side of the painting. I’ve place a framed photo in the foreground – the one from his memorial service. Tokens of our son’s childhood sit on the shelf above. Three favorite pictures hang on the wall above the bookcase along with a wooden fish that doesn’t hang straight. He made it when he was a child and carved his name into it. These things, of course, are ridiculously inadequate. Still, we’ve made a small space in our home that will be Evan’s, as long as we’re here.

I didn’t want to miss Doug’s Thanksgiving homily, so arranged food preparation around the 9am Mass. I headed for the pew where I normally sit at daily Mass and was surprised to see Cana kneeling there. She’d snuck out of the house for Mass too!

It’s our fourth Thanksgiving since Evan’s departure. I stopped in the midst of preparations Wednesday to lament the absence of his loud voice ranting about some injustice. I allowed myself to remember the consolation of his strong arms embracing me. God knows I miss his hugs which assured me that “we’re gonna love each other forever” was more than mere words.

No more Evan hugs now. But, I do talk to him. I ask him to pray for us and for his siblings and for EvanMarie. I imagine his joy at our celebration of Thanksgiving with all the grandkids and Ennie’s parents.

Thanksgiving Day was peaceful with laughter and conversation mixed in. We took a break from collectively holding our breath. Evan Marie ran and played with siblings and friends. It was so normal, it almost felt like she isn’t in a battle with a deadly disease. We shared good food and had fun conversations and it felt relaxing and wonderful.

Yesterday was quiet. EvanMarie had to go to the hospital for a blood draw, but came home the same day until next Wednesday.

What a blessing to have four days in a row to pause and reflect on the many good gifts of God. Thanksgiving weekend is exactly what we need. I hope gratitude overflows from the heart of every person who reads these words.

In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. _{1 Thessalonians 5:18}