One of the reasons Lent feels so long is because of the unrelenting message of Jesus’s passion and death. As time plods on, the readings intensify their focus on Christ’s passion. It can be tempting to disengage, but remembering the pain he endured makes it harder to delude ourselves into thinking God doesn’t understand our suffering.

For years I prayed the following psalm from the Liturgy of the Hours, but it didn’t resonate with me. My friends had always been faithful. I sometimes wondered how I’d handle betrayal should it ever come my way – especially betrayal by a close friend.

For it is not an enemy that reviled me—
that I could bear—
Not a foe who viewed me with contempt,
from that I could hide.
But it was you, my other self,
my comrade and friend,
You, whose company I enjoyed,
at whose side I walked
in the house of God. //Psalm 55: 13-15

Then, it happened.

Now I know the shattering disbelief, confusion, heartbreak and anger of betrayal. I struggle to understand and want an explanation to mitigate my friend’s behavior. I discover little clues here and there, but find nothing that can fully justify her actions. She betrayed not only me, but others she loved, including innocent little children. How could she?

The Psalmist calls for vengeance or punishment on his friend. But I can’t discount the severity of my friend’s anguish and would not wish more torture upon her.

After pleas for vengeance and destruction, in the last line of the Psalm, the author prays, “but I put my trust in you.” I’m glad he ends there. Trust in God is the safest refuge for human hearts with all our conflicting thoughts and emotions.

So, I take my shattered heart to the foot of the cross where I hear Jesus praying for those who betrayed him. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” I contemplate also, Peter’s betrayal. Peter should have been with Jesus in his dying moments, but he denied knowing him. Jesus, according to Luke’s gospel, turned a loving gaze toward Peter causing him to weep with contrition.

I resolutely make Christ’s prayer my own and ask for the grace to forgive my friend. Now my pain is united with his. His love and mercy not only triumphs over justice, but soothes my troubled soul, uniting me more closely than ever to his sacred heart and empowering me to shelter others who’ve been betrayed.

It took me until the middle of week five of Lent to arrive at this place of peace and rest. Lent may be long. But it’s worth it.