A week ago I lay alone and in pain in the hospital in the middle of the night after an ER visit and a long series of blood draws, IV’s, and ex rays. The grief and pain of 66 years of life, especially that of the 14 months since Evan’s death flooded into my thoughts and mind.
I had been holding it together, trying successfully to be a “good patient”, so as the night nurse drew more blood I whispered. “God has not abandoned me.”
What did you say?, she asked..
God has not abandoned me.
No, Sweetheart, he certainly has not and he never will.
Her kindness opened the floodgates. I told her about our recent move to Houston and how I don’t know where any of my stuff is and how I don’t know my way around the City and it feels like I’ll never learn and how we moved here to be closer to family because Evan died and we suddenly knew it was important to be together. She asked, so I told her about Evan and how he’d been awarded two Purple Hearts and suffered from PTSD from his time in Afghanistan and Iraq and how it took him years, but he finally found a way to live his dream, and then he died. I told her about the rafting accident and how Doug had to go to Guatemala to identify his body and that we both got Covid before the funeral was even arranged.
She simply listened, asking a few questions along the way, until the torrent subsided. I apologized for pouring out my grief to her and she said, Honey, grief is a nasty little booger. You never know when it’s going to show up and there’s nothing you can do but let it pass on by. I’m honored that you shared you’re story with me.
I thank God for Nurse Rachel who had at least five other patients to attend to that night, yet took the time to listen to me. I so appreciate her kindness.May God bless Rachel.
Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.James 1:2-4
Since I left the hospital Doug has been attending to my needs, driving me to doctor appointments, picking up meds, all while working on our home, buying materials for the tile installers, overseeing the taping and texturing of drywall, and dealing with various other tradesmen and inspectors. He also drove Chris to his physical therapy appointment, attended a play in which our two granddaughter performed, and made green chile pork for dinner for the extended family. When we talk, he almost inevitably mentions something he hasn’t yet been able to get to at the house and his plan for making it happen.
But as I write this, he has crashed, utterly exhausted. His whole body aches. It’s his turn to rest.
Our life has never been at the same time more full of life and more challenging, May God grant us the grace to consider it all joy.
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Lani. Your nurse is right.. REMEMBER GOD NEVER GIVES YOU MORE THAN HE FEELS YOU CAN HANDLE…. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.