4th of July at the Phoenix Zoo

This morning Doug and I got up early and headed to the Zoo before it was too hot to enjoy it. I felt grateful for the transparent barrier that allowed us to get close to the majestic Sumra Tiger. We spent a good while watching the orangutans. A couple (married 54 years) serving as docents…

Surprised by Kindness

I left the house to walk to Mass this morning and on the way I realized I had forgotten my hearing aids. Doug was home when I left. I knew he was planning to meet me at the church, so I texted him and asked him to bring my “ears”. He had already left the…

Family & Laughter

Last night Doug treated me to an evening of fun in Prescott. We enjoyed a romantic meal and a glass of wine before finding seats in the amphitheater at Highlands Center for Natural History. Some expressed surprise that we drove over 100 miles North for a date night, but the reprieve from Phoenix heat was…

Deserving

“I truly have a blessed life. I truly don’t deserve it. . . There is no deserve. There just is.” – Evan Daniel Bogart Countless times I’ve listened to the above words in an audio clip while watching the accompanying video Evan’s friends made and shared after his funeral services. I’ve savored the sound of…

Truth and Beauty

Our daughter Xhiv’s courage and vulnerability in sharing her often misunderstood grief surrounding the death of her birth mother and the losses which accompany adoption continues to teach us to face sorrow and loss with fortitude and honesty. Evan was a fan of Xhiv’s art because he valued truth telling and her art is raw…

Yarn and Tangled Thoughts

I’m knitting a blanket for our ninth grandchild, who is due to make an appearance in Houston in December. When I don’t pay attention, my yarn catches on a chair or table leg or gets wrapped around some other object and I have to interrupt the rhythm of my knitting to free it. Similarly, the…

Flooded, Deluged, Inundated

When I began this blog I liked the word, “inundated” and having very little idea what it meant, I relished the notion of being submerged in, flooded with, and totally overwhelmed with Love. The suffering of Evan’s death is changing me. From the moment I first heard the news. Sorrow cut chasms into my inmost…

Water and Rocks

Today Doug and I went for an easy hike along the shores of a peaceful lake in the White Mountains. As we walked along, a rhythmic phrase invaded my thoughts, “water and rocks, rocks and water, water and rocks”. I was lagging a bit behind and my attentive husband turned and asked, “Are you okay?”…

Rivers of Joy, Streams of Tears

It was in August four years ago that he coaxed and cajoled until I agreed to go with him. I had once been hurled against a rock by a smaller calmer river and was scared. He promised he wouldn’t let me fall from his raft, a promise he kept. Strong, commanding, professional; he knew what…

Anesthesia, Grief & Healing

It’s tricky to get the right amount of anesthesia. Too much is harmful. Not enough and the pain is overwhelming. Anesthetized, we lose consciousness, yet don’t rest. The pain is numbed but the wound remains. The line between need and harmful excess is not easily definable. Ice cream sweetly distracts from pain, one scoop at…