Today I tested positive for Covid. The last time was in February 2022 in the weeks between Evan’s accident and his funeral Mass and burial.

With the positive test all the thoughts and feelings came flooding back. “Really? Is this necessary? Isn’t it enough that our whole world is off-kilter because our son who was vibrant and healthy and alive has drowned in a far away river? Is this your idea of a joke, God? Kick her while she’s down?”

Such thoughts passed quickly. Now, as then, I was far too exhausted to fight, So, I surrendered. Here and now I remember my resolve to surrender All into God’s hands believing that he can make good of what is impossibly horrid.

Jonathan, our oldest, is visiting from Chicago and I’m missing out, quarantined in my bedroom. (At least this time, I’m in my own bed!) Jonathan’s hanging with Chris and Xhiv and that’s good. I surrender any expectations I had for my visit with him.

It’s alarming how quickly my heart wants to close in itself, but opening to consolation, I find these words in the Liturgy of the Hours midafternoon prayer: 

This is the message God has sent to the house of Israel, the good news of peace proclaimed through Jesus Christ who is Lord of all.

Acts 10:36

Immediately following is this response:
Mercy and truth have come together, alleluia.
– Justice and peace have kissed, alleluia.

Here in my Houston bedroom quarantined with Covid, I receive the message God sent to the Israelites. Today it’s my message, a message of peace through Jesus Christ who is Lord of all.

A tiny ray of light ignites in my heart as I read the response:
Mercy and truth have come together, alleluia.
– Justice and peace have kissed, alleluia.

It’s beyond comforting to be assured that Jesus Christ is Lord of all, I don’t have to be dominated by anger, or fear, or blame. I can know peace (and yes, joy!) as I await the imminent kiss of justice and peace.

O Come, let us adore Him, Christ, the Lord!